From a confused college kid: Could I come out to a gay guy I've never met? How would you react?

I've convinced myself that I'd be comfortable opening up to a gay person; specifically, some student at my school. I'm not looking for a romance, but a like minded individual that I can relate to.I'm not ready to talk to a group of people or family.





I don't know many gay people. I have a small few in mind (not in my year) which I consider to have similar interests and personalities to myself. None of these people know I exist and our paths aren’t likely to cross. I believe that email might work for an introduction (at least better than facebook). I'm struggling to decide what to say. While I suspect that out-of-the-closet gays will be more empathetic than anyone else I know, I don't really know how to start this type of conversation.





Hence my questions:


-Am I nuts? I don't have a lot of insight into how my email might be received.


- What might I say to be effective? Again, I’d write individuals with whom I believe I have a lot in common (aside from my sexuality).





Thanks so much!


-J

From a confused college kid: Could I come out to a gay guy I've never met? How would you react?
Don't come out until you have a plan. Find assistance with that at the first site below:


Try going to your local PFLAG meeting first. They are friendly, understand what you are going through, and can


help you find a supportive person that you like. Second


site below:
Reply:when i first came out, i came out to the gay guy in my high school. i barely knew him...but he was more than happy enough to be of assistance to me. he was a very good person to have had in my life at that time.=) but knowing from my experience if i were to have you come up to me and come out to me. i would be more than happy enough to talk to you. and i am sure they would be too especially if they are out..we all need that helping hand =)


btw as for the message above me from that other user..wow. suppressing her sexuality because of her religion..thankfully i won't be living such a unfulfilled life.
Reply:Here's a simple answer for you. A life as a well-adjusted gay man isn't best approached with timidity. I know guys who have spent ten years coming out gradually and at the end of it - they just lost ten years when they could have been focusing on bigger questions.





By all means, take your time and decide what is right, but when you are ready - jump. Throw open the door and don't look back. Be fearless.





In the end, you'll be glad you did.
Reply:why opening up as a gay?..do u think that's the last solution?.. i can't understand why u're choosin' it?..i think u wanna try new things..i'm sure u don't believe in religions which say not to be a gay..but i think it's better to think more about this decision..i don't know why..but i think u're someone similar to me..wanna try new things,have a new life..think different from many others..and so on..those remind me of myself..but i'll never do opposite to what my religion says..though wishin' u a good life


peace
Reply:I don't know what your friends are like, but I'm sure you have a couple who would be more than willing to accept your being gay without judging you. You are right, though, someone else who is gay would be a great person to have to talk to. You mentioned facebook. You could look up the gay people you have in mind and see if any of them belong to any LBGT clubs or groups. Attending a meeting would be a great way to introduce yourself. You could also look for more information about student groups on a school website. If you're going to send an email, you should send one which briefly explains your situation and asks if they would meet you in person. I think an initial email pouring your guts out wouldn't be as fulfilling to you as actually sitting down and talking.
Reply:write this hey i know that we don't know eachother well but I think we have a lot in common you like the same music as i do or what ever and i was wondering if we could talk sometime. first make it not about your sexuality at all and wait for a responce.
Reply:Yeah. It's the best bet. As a gay myself I would like someone to come out to me. You have to respect someone for doing that. You have common ground and a mutual understanding. An instant friend.





An email...hmmm....sure, go for it. It's not like it's the other way around.





As long as you do know him personally then an email should suffice but try talking to him, whenever there's a chance.
Reply:I think if the ones you have in mind are definately gay, and you'd feel comfortable talking to one or some of them, go for it.


If you really aren't after sex, then you've got to make it clear from the start, and tell them you just feel the need to talk to someone that will listen, %26amp; hopefully understand what you feel your going through.


If you don't know for sure they're gay, but have heard rumours, it might be best to use a false name at the start, just incase they have a bad reaction to the situation.





I wish you luck! I would have given anything to be able to talk to someone when I really needed to, but when I was at school, homosexuality was never even talked about, and it was the last thing you'd admit to anyone. Even the very few guys I had in h/s would never talk about. You'd just do it, and pretend it never happened, until the next time :-)





I hope it all works out!
Reply:Thank God!!!


V both have same problems!!!I also wanted a friend who just had same thinking as mine.....I found many gays of my age here and e-mailed them,they replied but only 1nce......I even tried 2 chat on Yahoo!Messanger in Gays room but found none.....


And beleive me...I was gonna ask the question that:Is it very difficult 2 find some1 who is like us?????/





So...Y don't we relate wth each other......
Reply:Is there a GLBTQ social group in your school? There is in mine, you should find out.
Reply:Coming out to a stranger? Unwise.





Coming out via email? Even more unwise.








This needs to be done face-to-face - and on a selective basis with your family and close friends.





Now having said that - coming out is different for everybody, and if you really feel that strongly about it - go for it.





But don't be surprised if you don't get a very positive response.
Reply:no i dont believe your nuts for one moment just what you said confused thats all if you wanna e mail me anytime feel free.
Reply:I think I understand you. What might be easiest since you're in college would be to go to a meeting of the university's LGBT organization - nearly every uni has one. I know you said you weren't ready for a group, but you don't have to speak at a meeting. You can just listen, and I am sure that when it's breaking up, someone will say hello. Then, you can tell that one person or persons.





And I think you're right. You'll get a more empathetic reaction, and you'll probably get some decent advice and maybe make a few friends. And who knows? Maybe even a date or two - later! :)
Reply:Hmmm. That is unusual, because people usually make it a point to come out to someone whom they have a personal connection with. (I came out to my then best friend first.)


But, you could use this "coming out to a stranger" as a practice run though. Just so you can get the hang of it. But believe me, when you come out to someopne who means a lot to you, no script can be folllowed other than what the heart dictates you must say.


Good luck!
Reply:u r a nut? don't have a lot of insight into how email might be sent.

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